?, Crit

Metaphoraging Roundup: 2019

AND SO THE CIRCLE TURNS again, one more orbit of the Earth ’round the Sun; meaning it’s time for the media’s year-end lookbacks — a conceit from which The Metaphorager is not immune. As of this writing (two weeks ago), and according to WordPress’ built-in stats counter, here are our Top Posts of 2019 (with year of composition and page views):

Letter To A Dead Friend (2010) – 62 Views
Googling “letter to a dead friend” brings up many, many, MANY links. Must be a universal impulse. Mine was addressed to my dearly departed chaver, James “Sputnik” Gjerde: mystic, clown, psychic twin.

Endurance Test (2019) – 52 Views
Post-Poway, the roommate was concerned for my safety. This was my answer.

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Crit, Life, Writ

Confessions of an Earnest High School Dropout

IT ENDED LIKE THIS: “MRS. J—–,” I said evenly, “you should work for the city sewer department instead of teaching English — because you know more about scat than you do about good writing.”

Except I didn’t say “scat.”

And that’s why I didn’t graduate from high school.

Some background is in order: Mrs. J—– co-taught senior AP English at my Walnut Creek high school. She was a bitter, vindictive, tenured old woman who terrorized the other teachers, to say nothing of her students, and she had it in for me from day one.

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Torah

In the Presence of the Mystery

LET’S ASSUME FOR THE MOMENT that the Chanukah story is true (or at least as true as any myth or legend) …

Basking in the glow of three candles a little while ago, it occurred to me that to the Maccabees, the oil-miracle’s second night was the most exciting.

They had already used up the one cruse of oil (or so they thought). When the flame didn’t go out as expected, however, they knew something strange and/or miraculous was afoot.

With the Temple menorah still alight by the eighth day, they might have become used to the miracle; taken it for granted even.

But that second night — that must have been the best.

Crit, Life

Seasonal Skirmish Solved

AS WE WIND DOWN DECEMBER, the social air is thick with anticipation — and, alas, some rancor.

It seems once again that some are taking issue with some who take issue with being greeted by the adherents of our country’s majority-religion, who in turn are peeved at what they perceive to be a “War on Christmas” — as though it’s somehow un-American to be polite or play well with others. Allow me to once again proffer a solution to this non-problem — an all-purpose response to someone who wishes you a happy holiday-outside-your-affinity-group. Simply say to them, “Same To You.” (After all, it’s not like anyone has a monopoly on Northern Hemisphere winter light-festivals.)

Life, Writ

Solstice Prayer (2019 Reboot)

“WE HAVE REACHED THE DEPTH of darkness. Let us now make the long, slow, purposeful ascent back toward the Light.”
–Barbatus T. Elder

Crit

Words to Bring Back: “Fabulous”

– Definition: adj. Of, like, or recorded in fable; fictitious; mythical

– Used in a sentence: The current Administration* is doing a fabulous job.

– Why: In its current usage, “fabulous” is synonymous with “great” or “excellent.” But I think it’s important to return some words to their root meanings. Not only does that enrich our vocabulary; it also expands our thinking. Use it or lose it, folks.

If truth is stranger than fiction, it is because it has a better and more creative author.”
— Jeff Forsythe