THIS GENTLEMAN, WHO SPEAKS WORLDS while twiddling his moustache, is “Metaphoragin’ Jones”, our mascot here at The Metaphorager. He epitomizes our outlook and mission: bemused, slightly rumpled and willing to talk all day about everything in the world if necessary/desired.…
Author: Neal Ross Attinson
Neal Ross Attinson is one of those text-compulsives who feels naked without a keyboard, or at least a a pad and pen. He is unafraid of adverbs, loves astronomy and gastronomy with equally unabashed passion, and lives with/in an eclectic library in Sonoma, California.
Putting It In Perspective
GIVEN THE POSSIBILITY OF EARTH’S demise-by-asteroid in 25 years, we at The Metaphorager will be trying to stay awake, aware, conscious, intent, productive, or otherwise engaged for the next days:hours:etc. (Live it up, fellow Earthlings.)
Taste of Fame
HOW MUCH OF THEIR OWN flavors do, or can, Ben & Jerry’s’ honorees eat? Is there a celebrity discount? Free ice-cream for a lifetime, as long as you eat your own flavor? At what point do you just feed it…
An Erev Shabbat Invitation
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO attend tonight’s Erev Shabbat service at Sonoma’s Congregation Shir Shalom, 252 W. Spain St., which service I am both grateful and privileged to lead. Services begin at 7:30 p.m. PDT and will be followed by…
Bicycle Safety 101
THERE IS ONE INFLEXIBLE RULE which, if followed diligently, will result in years if not decades of safe bicycling: Pretend you’re invisible. Now, many get the wrong impression on first hearing this advice — they hear “invisible” and think “invincible,”…
Aside
O G?D, DEAREST AND WISEST One, Maker of mercies and miracles, Describer in line and form, please: Save us from those sincere souls who know what You really meant.
Business Plan
THERE MUST BE A WAY to get rich selling extra spaces as attachments for Scrabble boards…
BUT WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?!?!?
QUIZ SHOW OVERHEARD ON THE TV as I entered the living room: That’s right, ‘Illuminati’ is the answer! You’ve won $100!”
Ol’ Thinkypants Groks
“HEY, MAN, IF YOU WERE in high school when the original Star Wars came out, you know exactly what I mean.”
Touching With Words
THE FIRST TIME I DISCOVERED that my words had an effect on other people was when something I wrote made other people cry. The people were my fellow high-school English students, and the topic was a personal essay we’d been…
“Starbase 33 Minyan”
According to the Official Couch Potato Handbook, each official Couch Potato Viewing Lodge must have its own name. Ours is the “Starbase 33 Minyan,” mostly due to a love of science fiction in general (and Star Trek in particular). The…
The Purist’s Question
HOW MUCH CAN YOU CHANGE something before it no longer resembles the original — yet still call it by the same name?