– Definition: noun a self-righteously moralistic person who behaves as if superior to others.
– Used in a sentence: Scratch a prig, find a hypocrite.
– Why: To name a thing is to control it — either by voting it out of office, or changing the channel.
Camouflage (A Prosatio Silban Amuse-Bouche)
“WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF garnishes?” asked one of Prosatio Silban’s regular customers as he set down a healthy portion of sauced beef-loin with accordion potatoes.
“That is a complicated question, and one which inspires many different answers,” The Cook For Any Price replied with a thank-you-for-asking grin. “My own understanding is that they visually accent the dishes they accompany, making them appear more appetizing.”
“Then why do you not use them in your own cuisine?” came the riposte.
The cook-errant’s grin widened. “Because I believe that’s the plate’s function,” he said. “Anything else is mere indulgence.”
(If you’re new to these tales, here are the preface and introduction. And if you want more of them, in two easy-to-read packages, here are the first and second e-books!)
I believe life’s a mystery; a sacred one. As for faith, that’s a personal and private thing…”
– John Walton Sr.
From Commonwell Cookery
BY GREAT POPULAR DEMAND, AND barring any unforeseen circumstances, forthcoming editions of The Cook For Any Price — both Across the Rimless Sea and More Commonwell Tales — are planned to include a smattering of appended recipes. Until then, here are four to tempt your mental tastebuds:
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From Prosatio Silban and the Centuried Stew: “Stew”
This recipe has undergone modification by generations of one family, as the original ingredients became unavailable. It is said that the original flavor remains unchanged, which makes sense as the original ingredients are still lurking comfortably in the background.
To cook: Begin by sautéing a mixture of onion, carrot, and celery in an enormous cauldron. When those have cooked down into pliability, add sufficient quantities of preserved apple, spiced vanth, twile, jugged harrian, and potent moon-wine. Simmer for eight hundred years, adding such substitutes and seasonings as are dictated by the cooks’ faithful and experienced palates.
To serve: Ladle into unglazed earthenware cup or bowl and eat with a small wooden spoon. Mind that your knees don’t buckle.
Blades Runner
THIS IS THE TALE OF a third-degree separation from two of the most prestigious knifemakers in Europe.
In addition to regular sharpening and honing, home cooks are supposed to have their knives professionally sharpened once yearly. Thus, one recent Friday, I dutifully handed over two 8″ chef’s knives (a thick one for meats, a thin one for plants) to our beloved local kitchen-supply store. Having received and paid for the knives the following Sunday, I brought them home, washed them off, gave them the thumbnail test, and set about chopping an onion for chicken soup.
Private Fame
TO AN AMATEUR SKYWATCHER (in the original sense of that first word), the beginning of the month is quite special; it’s when the new issue of Astronomy arrives. Among that magazine’s many excellent features and fixtures is “Ask Astro,” where experts answer readers’ questions. Here is something from the May 2023 “Ask Astro” that — well, just look:
Prophylaxis
THE MISSIONARY AT THE DOOR was polite but insistent as she tried to hand me a tract.
I bowed my head and pointed to my yarmulke. “No thank you,” I said.
Her eyes widened and her mouth made a little “o” of consternation as she backed away. “Thank you for being so courteous,” she said.
“You’re welcome,” I said, and closed the door.
Usually, my “yarmie” acts as a lighthouse for interesting conversations. It’s good, and a little sad, that it can also act as a conversation stopper.