1. BEGIN EVERY PARAGRAPH WITH “I.”
2. Repost the same story as other blogs within your target demographic.
3. When commenting in other blogs, slip in the phrase “as I wrote” and flash your URL.
4. Call everyone by their first name whether celebrity, criminal or politician.
5. Make gratuitous jokes equating celebrities, criminals and politicians.
6. Be snarkier.
7. Don’t write from the heart. Ever.
8. When in doubt, link to YouTube.
9. Use lots of “ironic” quotes.
10. Remember: the world won’t run without you. Remind it.