Those Who Know, Chuckle.
Hortatory self-aggrandizement.
DEAR PATIENT READER (and anyone else who happens by),
Please enjoy this mellow mix of rusty recollections, offbeat observations, friendly particularism, tasty recipes, unpretentious poetry, entertaining quotes, recreational science, and wry spirituality. And if you’re eager to meet my short-story hero Prosatio Silban, the self-defrocked holyman in a fantastic land who makes a meager but honest living as a mercenary cook, allow me to introduce you!
Thank you for your patronage, and be well,
“COGITATE COGITATE COGITATE COGITATE COGITATE…”
So ran one of the many “found sounds” (today called “samples”) on the pass-around tape collages that were a fringe benefit of membership in the Neo-Pagan Society of Diablo Valley College in the early-to-mid-1980s. (Accent on “fringe.”)
My initiation into this three-part sonic conspiracy – which included “Mr. Bird” and “Zoro X.R. Troll” – came about on receiving from Zoro a postage-stamped 60-minute cassette tape with no explanatory note save “PLAY ME” written on its label. Curious, I popped it into my boombox and pressed “Play.” My ears were happily assaulted (in machine-gun succession and no particular order) by excerpts from: Alan Watts, William S. Burroughs, The Grateful Dead, Firesign Theater, a straitlaced radio preacher, Mr. Bird’s paranoid brother, Tom Robbins, Zoro’s favorite inspirational readings, The Beatles, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and various other audial offerings now hazed by time and headspace, as well as Zoro’s drawled invitation to add to, subtract from, or otherwise mess with “this here tape” before sending it either back to him or on to Mr. Bird.
The process was simple:
1- Wire up two cassette recorder/players from output to input (this also works just as well, if not better, if you have one two-bay cassette player/recorder).
2- Load output player with whatever you like: music, spoken narrative or poetry, movie/tv soundtrack, sound effects, live microphone, &c., as limited only by imagination and source material.
3- Load a cassette into the input recorder, press “Record,” and engage the Pause button.
4- Play a section of the output tape.
5- Disengage input ‘s Pause button to record as much output as you want, then re-engage.
6- Switch output sources, the more incongruous and/or thematic the better.
7- Repeat process until you lose interest. (WARNING! It’s addictive.)
To simple, mad minds like ours, the results were vastly entertaining, and inadequately depicted in writing: “output1 (click) OUTPUT2! (click) OuTpUt3? (click) oUtPuT4…” ad infinitum.
After it was exchanged for a while, the tape had mutated into something very odd and layered indeed. One surrealistic iteration included dialog between myself and elements of David Bowie’s “Ziggy Stardust.” Another had Mr. Bird and Zoro calling out each others’ names in weird voices and at unexpected intervals. Yet a third featured Jim Morrison repeating the lyric “learn to forget” over and over and over.
For whatever reasons, we three eventually drifted away from this collaborative creation. Yet I still have a copy of the original tape kicking around here somewhere, plus one which I slowly built up over a period of nearly 20 years, always meaning to send it on to my colleagues.
Perhaps, one day, I will.
A LONG TIME AGO, IN a post office far, far away, our mailbox was fraught with wonder and excitement.
In those cultural Dark Ages of pre-public Internet access, creative folk could communicate through the medium of “zines” – homegrown/amateur magazines, usually (but not always) photocopied by the dozen at the local 24-hour Kinko’s. Zine subjects were limited only by the interests and imaginations of their creators: politics, music (mainly punk rock), personal essays, communality, underground comix, satire, movies, TV shows, media criticism in general, religion, cassette culture, spirituality, alternative lifestyles, history, science fiction, fantasy, sexuality – the list goes on.
At the hub of this textual universe stood Factsheet Five, the quarterly “zine of zines” stuffed with hundreds of brief reviews and publisher contacts. Each issue opened up entire worlds of conceptual adventure, and she and I would take turns devouring it and highlighting the publications we wanted to receive. Per-issue costs could be anywhere between a few stamps, a few bucks, or trade for “something interesting” — including one’s own zine.
We were both well-supplied to swap: she with her women’s spirituality “perzine” (personal zine) Sacred Wilderness and me with my elsewhere-described Far Corner, a UFO/paranormal satire journal. For those small but intense investments – thinking, writing, copying, and postage – we netted a substantial return from independent publishers all over the planet.
Factsheet Five has passed into the What-Was, having ceased production in 1998. Blogging, vlogging, Substack, YouTube content, and social media in general now fill the creativity gap once occupied by zines; they’re cheaper, have a potentially longer reach, and can be published and accessed with greater immediacy. As a result, the weekly post-box trip has become more prosaic and less exciting. But the memories remain, of a secret world populated by anyone who could afford to get their personal word out and connect with likeminded others. I like to think that, though the medium may have dwindled, the spirit hasn’t. Long live the revolution!
A QUICK AND HUMBLE ASK: If you enjoy The Metaphorager, please consider subscribing to its newly revised, very occasional, and 100% FREE mix of rusty recollections, offbeat observations, friendly particularism, tasty recipes, unpretentious poetry, wry spirituality, and short stories — lots and LOTS of short stories. Never miss another post — join the fun today!
THAT IS TO SAY, THIS: That Sonoma Valley’s synagogue-centered Jewish community is … “our little Anatevka-among-the-vines.”
So there.
TO AN AMATEUR SKYWATCHER (in the original sense of that first word), the beginning of the month is quite special; it’s when the new issue of Astronomy arrives. Among that magazine’s many excellent features and fixtures is “Ask Astro,” where experts answer readers’ questions. Here is something from the May 2023 “Ask Astro” that — well, just look:
IT’S BACK TO THE EXILIC Lands for our dauntless and resourceful holyman-turned-mercenary-cook, where he seeks rewards both profitable and profound in a world unlike any you’ve ever visited. The forty-five new stories in More Commonwell Tales pick up where Across the Rimless Sea left off, carrying Prosatio Silban’s saga forward with history, pathos, comedy, disaster, fame, romance — even a quest or two. Download your free copy today!
AND SO, AS OUR EARTH races to catch up to the orbital location arbitrarily assigned to “New Year’s Day,” let us pause and reflect on the year that’s passed (bloggishly speaking, anyway):
My Favorite Jewish Joke – 130 views
Far and away, the winner for Most-Viewed Post of 2021 was the one whose punchline is the simple but effective, “Moses, do whatever the hell you want.” (And no, that’s not a spoiler. It is, however, a trenchant understanding of / comment on Jewish practice.)
365 Names of God: “The Light of Eternal Mind” – 71 views
We’ve had a lot of fun with the “365 Names of God” series, including one of my own personal favorites. Continue reading “Top 10 Metaphoragings: 2021”
MY PUBLISHER ADVISES ME THUS: “…[W]rite a blog post that you’ve published an in-depth Q&A interview … and invite your blog readers to comment on your blog and suggest additional questions they’d like to see answered in your interview (and then go back and answer those questions too!).”
This is that blog post. Do what thou wilt.
THIS PAST WEEK SAW A couple of personal milestones: the completion of my 100th Prosatio Silban story, and my e-book‘s first review. (Pop the confetti and cue the corks.) To celebrate, here are synopses for all the Cook For Any Price tales spun so far, including some not yet published in the e-book or as blog posts. Please enjoy these concise bites of “in which Our Hero …”
Advertent Appetizer: … ‘s customer literally sings for her supper.
Affable Invitation: … diverts a probing question.
Agreeable Disagreement: … settles a religious contretemps.
Ambiguous Twins: … caters for children who may not be as they seem.
Annual Doom: … looks Death, or at least its messenger, square in the face.
Antecedent History: … learns the secret behind the name “Exilic Lands.”
Anxious Drummer: … attempts to calm a nervous noncombatant.
Arrow Escape: … helps a fugitive slave toward a better life.
Balance (Amuse Bouche): …reflects on what makes Eating, Dining.
Beloved Animal: … explores the nature of adoration. Continue reading “Our Meaningful Century”
(THE FOLLOWING IS A BRIEF account of how the Prosatio Silban tales are conceived and written. It’s mostly meant for fans of those works, but if you’re interested in the writing process in general, read on — if not, I won’t be offended.)
0. Before anything happens on the screen, the idea is generated. I can’t quite tell you how that manifests, since I don’t understand it myself; sometimes a premise bursts into my consciousness, sometimes I will think of a theme (or scan my “50+ ideas” file) and let my mind wander.
1. Next, I open a fresh new Word document and type in the title (or at least the “working title”), my byline, that day’s date, a space for the approximate word count, and a reminder: “Bold means change it.” Continue reading “5 (Well, 6) Thoughts: How I Write”
AS AN INVESTED SACREANT, Prosatio Silban ministered to the souls of the Uulian Commonwell’s faithful. But now, his mission is tending the palates and gullets he encounters in his cook-or-die quest for the next paying customer – whether demure courtesan, cranky giant, duplicitous wizard, mystical indigene, pretentious nobles, minor godling, or whoever else is hungry.
Inspired by Don Quixote, Brillat-Savarin’s The Physiology of Taste, and the Dreamlands Mythos of H.P. Lovecraft, these two volumes of episodic fantasies – The Cook For Any Price: Across the Rimless Sea and The Cook For Any Price: More Commonwell Tales – are part culinary tour and part spiritual adventure. Ride along in Prosatio Silban’s well-stocked galleywagon and through a world unlike any you’ve ever visited.
RECIPE COLLECTORS! Want to prepare meals (and eat!) like Prosatio Silban? The free download Commonwell Cookery will nourish appetites both gastronomic and literary. May the Flickering Gods smile upon your honest and sincere emulations.
What Are Readers Saying?
Ransom Stephens, author of The Book of Bastards
“Sometimes you just need to let someone else deal with the BS of life. … Prosatio Silban is the man for the job!
“This intrepid chef travels a world that reminds you of places you’ve been, places you’d like to go, and places you’d prefer to avoid. With his old-school (really old) food truck, he achieves a view of the world (well, a world in a different time and a different place (a very different time and place)) that’s sort of like Norman Rockwell would have had, if he’d been in that very different time and place. All the while, he leaves your mouth watering with recipe ideas! Semi-seriously, it’s sort of like Patrick Rothfuss meets Julia Child. Continue reading “A Self-Defrocked Holyman In A Fantastic Land Makes A Meager But Honest Living As A Mercenary Cook”
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