Sober Assessment

TWO-AND-A-HALF MONTHS AGO, I completed my tenth year of clear-eyed, clean-headed and grateful sobriety.

Now, when some people hear that, they might think, “Great, here comes the self-righteous lecture on the evils of intoxication.” But that won’t happen, at least not from me. I don’t and won’t disdain anyone else’s recreational or coping choices; frankly, they are none of my business, and refraining from inebriation is not a crusade that I feel either comfortable or qualified to pursue toward others.

Instead, I want to speak about the rarefied and addictive intoxicant that actually “saved” me, keeping me sane and healthy not just during the past decade but all of my life – and if you know me as well as you think you do, you can already guess what that is.

WRITING.

Not for nothing did Stephen King say of this 6,000-year-old-plus art: “Do it for the buzz.” There is an ineffable thrill in watching the words spill out onto paper or screen, an actual physical and mental rush only gotten from congealing thought into alphabetic form, that’s as hard to beat as it is to describe.

And the best part is, it’s free. Easily accessible. Shareable. No more watching my money go up in a cloud of marijuana smoke; no more furtively prowling dodgy neighborhoods; no more keeping it all to myself lest I run out.

Did I mention addictive? Once you start writing, you’re hooked for life. I sometimes find myself typing and typing until I fall asleep at the keyboard, literally unable to stop ’til I drop. (True story.) E.g., tonight: I meant to take advantage of the finally clear Sonoma skies and do a bit of long-delayed stargazing. But as I write this, it’s well after 10:30pm (or, if you prefer, 2230 hours) PDT and I’m already getting sleepy.

So before I trundle off to Dreamsville, I’ll leave you this hard-earned advice: Try not to let the Great American Novel (or Essay, or Blogpost) keep you from tending your other bodily needs. Otherwise, you may find yourself face down in a pool of your own ink – or even with “QWERTYUIOP” reverse-imprinted deeply into your throbbing forehead. Nighty night.

Welcome to a No-Cost, All-Text, AI-Free Zone!

DEAR PATIENT READER (and anyone else who happens by),

Please enjoy this mellow mix of rusty recollections, offbeat observations, friendly particularism, tasty recipes, unpretentious poetry, entertaining quotes, recreational science, and wry spirituality. And if you’re eager to meet my short-story hero Prosatio Silban, the self-defrocked holyman in a fantastic land who ekes out a meager but honest living as a mercenary cook, allow me to introduce you!

Thank you for your patronage, and be well,

Neal Ross Attinson

Come Dance With Me

A QUICK AND HUMBLE ASK: If you enjoy The Metaphorager, please consider subscribing to its newly revised, very occasional, and 100% FREE mix of rusty recollections, offbeat observations, friendly particularism, tasty recipes, unpretentious poetry, wry spirituality, and short stories — lots and LOTS of short stories. Never miss another post — join the fun today!


 

The Writer’s Task

… [T]here is no need for you to go a-begging for aphorisms from philosophers, precepts from Holy Scripture, fables from poets, speeches from orators, or miracles from saints; but merely to take care that your style and diction run musically, pleasantly, and plainly, with clear, proper, and well-placed words, setting forth your purpose to the best of your power and as well as possible, and putting your ideas intelligibly, without confusion or obscurity. Strive, too, that in reading your story the melancholy may be moved to laughter, and the merry made merrier still; that the simple shall not be wearied, that the judicious shall admire the invention, that the grave shall not despise it, nor the wise fail to praise it. … [I]f you succeed in this you will have achieved no small success.”
— Miguel de Cervantes (from the Prologue to Don Quixote)

Top 10 Metaphoragings: 2021

AND SO, AS OUR EARTH races to catch up to the orbital location arbitrarily assigned to “New Year’s Day,” let us pause and reflect on the year that’s passed (bloggishly speaking, anyway):

My Favorite Jewish Joke – 130 views
Far and away, the winner for Most-Viewed Post of 2021 was the one whose punchline is the simple but effective, “Moses, do whatever the hell you want.” (And no, that’s not a spoiler. It is, however, a trenchant understanding of / comment on Jewish practice.)

365 Names of God: “The Light of Eternal Mind” – 71 views
We’ve had a lot of fun with the “365 Names of God” series, including one of my own personal favorites. Continue reading “Top 10 Metaphoragings: 2021”

Meetin’ and Greetin’

MY PUBLISHER ADVISES ME THUS: “…[W]rite a blog post that you’ve published an in-depth Q&A interview … and invite your blog readers to comment on your blog and suggest additional questions they’d like to see answered in your interview (and then go back and answer those questions too!).”

This is that blog post. Do what thou wilt.

Our Meaningful Century

THIS PAST WEEK SAW A couple of personal milestones: the completion of my 100th Prosatio Silban story, and my e-book‘s first review. (Pop the confetti and cue the corks.) To celebrate, here are synopses for all the Cook For Any Price tales spun so far, including some not yet published in the e-book or as blog posts. Please enjoy these concise bites of “in which Our Hero …”

Advertent Appetizer: … ‘s customer literally sings for her supper.
Affable Invitation: … diverts a probing question.
Agreeable Disagreement: … settles a religious contretemps.
Ambiguous Twins: … caters for children who may not be as they seem.
Annual Doom: … looks Death, or at least its messenger, square in the face.
Antecedent History: … learns the secret behind the name “Exilic Lands.”
Anxious Drummer: … attempts to calm a nervous noncombatant.
Arrow Escape: … helps a fugitive slave toward a better life.
Balance (Amuse Bouche): …reflects on what makes Eating, Dining.
Beloved Animal: … explores the nature of adoration. Continue reading “Our Meaningful Century”

5 (Well, 6) Thoughts: How I Write

(THE FOLLOWING IS A BRIEF account of how the Prosatio Silban tales are conceived and written. It’s mostly meant for fans of those works, but if you’re interested in the writing process in general, read on — if not, I won’t be offended.)

0. Before anything happens on the screen, the idea is generated. I can’t quite tell you how that manifests, since I don’t understand it myself; sometimes a premise bursts into my consciousness, sometimes I will think of a theme (or scan my “50+ ideas” file) and let my mind wander.

1. Next, I open a fresh new Word document and type in the title (or at least the “working title”), my byline, that day’s date, a space for the approximate word count, and a reminder: “Bold means change it.” Continue reading “5 (Well, 6) Thoughts: How I Write”

Read This (E)Book

THIS IS WHAT COMES FROM puttering about in a small morning with nothing else to do (thanks, PKD, for the reference): “Little-t truths for our and every time; a considerable consideration of considerings.”

Pithyisms is, thanks to Smashwords, my second published e-book — a collection of 100+ original sayings that I have been letting drop here and there over the years. It is available in multiple formats, free of charge (at least for now), and at this writing (2105.23) is a “Featured New Release” to boot. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did composing it.

We Interrupt This Blog …

… FOR THE FOLLOWING PUBLIC-SERVICE AGGRANDIZEMENT:

The current plan (and behind-the-scenes task) involves formatting all 90+ Prosatio Silban stories for an independently published paperback and e-book titled Across the Rimless Sea; as a size comparison, the collection so far (‘prox. 137,000 words / 400 pages) is a bit longer than J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Return of the King.

By the process of editing and placing these tales in a specific narrative order, many have/will become substantially different from what you’ve seen here. Meanwhile, I will continue the story-a-week schedule to fulfill your Thursday mythopoetic needs.

Thank you for your patronage; it means a lot to me. And may the All-Mother watch over you!

Metaphoraging Roundup 2020

AS THE EARTH RETURNS IN its orbit to where it was last year, here is a look at the top ten posts The Metaphorager’s readers enjoyed (I hope) during the past twelve months:

My Favorite Jewish Joke – 80 Views
As it says. I have a couple of others; but this one, with its Hidden Truth, never fails to amuse and amaze.

How To Wash The Dishes – 53 views
A discipline drawn from months and years of twice-daily practice.

365 Names of God: “The Light of Eternal Mind” – 53 Views
Non-coincidentally, my favorite line from C.B.DeM.’s The Ten Commandments. Continue reading “Metaphoraging Roundup 2020”

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