Posts Tagged ‘ “Bob” ’

Pithyism #010

2011.03.12
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IF I HEAR ONE MORE too-earnest discourse on the “Sacred Feminine,” I’m going to pull out my Sacred Masculine.

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Free Metaphor: “Don’t Poke The Squid”

2011.02.24
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STUCK FOR AN ANALOGY WHEN your well-intendeds provoke a horrible mess that you should have known better than to bother with? Then “Don’t Poke The Squid.”

Squid are lovely, largely inoffensive creatures who flash and lurk throughout the ocean’s vasty deep. They have eight tentacles and two arms; all appendages have suckers, some jaggedly toothed. They flail something awful when disturbed, and can entwine sperm whales and dance them to death. What chance has an unwary swimmer? Thus, for your own safety and health, “Don’t Poke The Squid.”

(Usage of this metaphor is subject to payment via pizza or Paypal. Thankee sirormadam, and g’blessye.)

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Refining Maslow

2011.01.27
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THE GREAT PSYCHOLOGIST ABRAHAM MASLOW proposed a pyramid paradigm of human needs, ranking their vitality and importance as physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualization. One must satisfy the first in order to be able to secure the second, then explore the third and so forth to self-actualization (or to put it more cryptically, I-am-I-ness).

This is all very well as far as it goes, which isn’t very far at all without one particular ingredient: humor.

I would argue that a sense of humor lies among our physiological needs. Our bodies crave laughter — it makes us feel good, for one thing, and promotes the rest of Maslow’s overstructure: safety, love, belonging, and certainly esteem and self-actualization. In fact, I would go so far as to say that our most basic needs are ordered by what we breathe, drink, eat, shelter under and laugh at (or with). The first chuckle may even have occurred when we saw each other naked, huddling in some cave away from the mid-Pleistocene rain. (Certainly humor makes nudity easier to cope with, which to me screams “prerequisite!” I can only assume it also helps with the random smilodon or mammoth.) Humor is so important in fact, that its lack can be attributed to every human war, skirmish, argument or bluster — especially the unresolved ones.

Many years ago, while preparing to hitchhike across the USA, I was describing my road gear to a seasoned friend. “Backpack (soft), spare clothes, paperback book, extra shoes, sleeping bag, boots (new), Swiss Army knife (new) …”

“Where’s your toilet paper?” he asked.

“What do I need that for?” I asked.

He fixed me with a gaze reserved for the feeble. “If you don’t have toilet paper, the rest just don’t matter,” he said.

Humor is like that too: it cleans out the head and refreshes it for the next challenge, which is always a moment away. And without humor, the rest just don’t matter.

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Schrodinger’s Bat

2011.01.19
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IF THERE ARE UNIVERSES NEXT door to ours, I would swap the one with sentient reptiles for one that’s just different enough — one containing, say, all-new Star Trek episodes with just a wee bit o’ difference. How much would you pay for an original, still-in-the-wrapper Spock nose?

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More Words Which Usually Precede A Good Story, At Least In Retrospect

2011.01.19
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“HEY KID! C’MERE A SECOND…”

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Question of Essence

2011.01.17
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DO YOU PRACTICE AN ART form, or a life form?

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David Feldman, Post-Modern Comic Genius

2011.01.13
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PAY ATTENTION, CLASS: TODAY WE learn from David Feldman, American, how to correctly structure a portable visual joke (in this case, a bumpersticker) for maximum satiric and comic effect.

First point: Understand the medium. The human eye travels a line of text, or what the brain immediately assesses as same, from left to right.

Second point: Camouflage. On a black background, the eye first registers a patriotic symbol — an American flag overlaying a proud bald eagle’s profile — followed by a line of white text.

Third point: Reinforcement. A sturdy sans-serif, all caps: “MY COUNTRY RIGHT OR … ”

Fourth point: Misdirection. The brain, conditioned by years of living within the Lower North American political ecosystem, anticipates a conditioned jingoism.

Fifth point: Gotcha. The text finishes: ” … RONG.” The brain is wrenched from its self-woven cocoon by the unexpected monosyllabic truncation, and explodes into laughter. Its owner reaches for a handkerchief or small towel.

REMEMBER THE MONOSYLLABIC TRUNCATION. THERE WILL BE A TEST.

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Five Words In Search Of A Context

2010.12.31
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“FUN’S FUN, GENERAL. BUT THIS …”

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Sound Advice

2010.12.30
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LIKE MANY LATE 20th/EARLY 21st CENTURY Westerners, I have seen a lot of music in my day. This makes me prone to “ohrwurms,” as the the Germans call them — “earworms” — those annoying songs in your head that JUST WON’T STOP excuse me.

A new weapon has been unveiled in the fight against unwanted brain abrasion. Simply point your browser to http://unhearit.com/ for Unhearit.com: Get That Damn Song Out Of Your Head. They’ll instantly give you a catchy tune that’ll knock the one in your head right into next week. (This week, of course, you’ll be hearing the one you clicked on, unless it sets up one of those standing waves where you contemplate Tolstoy’s white horse for twenty minutes before going about your business. Me, I’m going to put on a little Schumann.)

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And Now, Muppets With People Eyes

2010.12.29
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No, seriously: http://muppetswithpeopleeyes.tumblr.com/. WARNING: Kermit will give you nightmares.

(Thanks, BoingBoing!)

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First-Step Messiah

2010.12.27
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CONSIDERING THE GREAT POTENTIAL CONTAINED in most human beings, and the difficulty we have getting started on projects, perhaps we might accordingly revise our notions of messianism. The Re-(or Un-)born King may not set things right so much as give us the tools and gumption we need (or point out that we’ve had them all along). After all, getting started is the hardest start to any project. Perhaps we just need a little push and can take it from there.(1)

____
(1) Disclaimer: This being Monday morning, I tend not to believe in a literal Messiah. In fact, I tend not to believe in a Messiah at all unless as metaphor or if I have a really, really bad headache. But “believe as thou wilt shall be the hole in the Law.”

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Meanwhile, In The Blog Next Door

2010.12.23
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MY CREATIVE WIFE, ANN, HAS created something potentially important at http://sacredwilderness.net/2010/12/laughing-out-loud/ for those who wear their pride on sleeve, chest or coffeecup.

Fig. 1.

Mesmerizing, isn’t it? Act now and put this design on a T-shirt, tote bag or refrigerator magnet at http://www.cafepress.com/inyourhand. If applicable, Live The Acronym! and if commitedly applicable, let Sonoma Valley make your destination wedding dreams come true.)

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