Category: Crit

Examination, interpretation, appreciation.

Words to Bring Back: “Lacustrine”

– Definition: adj.; geological Of or pertaining to lakes.

– Used in a sentence: I prefer deep-water sailing to the lacustrine variety.

– Why: For one thing, it feels good in the mouth. However, I must admit to some self-service with this WtBB, as I am writing a series of stories some of which occur in an island-city surrounded by a lake, and I’m always on the lookout for ways to concisify. And “lacustrine Pormaris” sounds much better than “Pormaris, an island-city surrounded by a lake.” (To me, anyway.)

5 Thoughts: The Third Thing

1. ONE OF THE THINGS THAT frustrates me as a writer is my own self-limitation. Specifically, I am speaking of the notoriously difficult and bothersome Third Thing.

2. The Third Thing works like this. I will write a sentence that begins, say, with a simple thesis: “There are three things that Elmer worried about…” Two examples will occur to me right off the bat: “…death, taxes, and …” It’s what comes after the “and” that always gets me.

3. Now, you might say, “Who really needs three examples of something? Just write two and be done with it.” But my Muse won’t let me. Continue reading “5 Thoughts: The Third Thing”

First Graf (well, page): Harold and the Purple Crayon

THE FIRST BOOK I EVER read from cover to cover was Crockett Johnson’s 1955 work, Harold and the Purple Crayon. If you’re not familiar with it, it goes like this: A small boy in one-piece pajamas draws with, well, purple crayon, on an endless expanse of whitespace. His drawings don’t exactly come to life, but they do become interactively real (to him, anyway). The drawings are accompanied by spare but informative narration, but the real story is amply told by the charming illustrations. In all, Reb Crockett wrote seven Harold adventures; they are aimed at young would-be readers, and sort of obviate the whole Dick and Jane thing so popular when I was a tyke. Continue reading “First Graf (well, page): Harold and the Purple Crayon”

Words to Bring Back: “Pernicious”

– Definition: adj. Having a harmful effect, especially in a gradual or subtle way.

– Used in a sentence: Pernicious “tweets” should not become a presidential* standard.

– Why: It’s enough out of current usage to possibly sound like a compliment. Imagine the look on their faces when they discover it isn’t.

First Graf: The Histories

WERE IT NOT FOR HERODOTUS — lauded as the “Father of History,” derided as the “Father of Lies” — we would know nothing of, among other things, the tale of King Leonidas and the 300 Spartans and how it affected the Ascent of the West.

The Histories is more than a simple record of who-said-and-did-what-when. In it you will find plenty about the war between the Greeks and Persians, but also contemporary details of Egyptian and Babylonian culture; how to gather cinnamon despite the objections of giant bats “who shriek alarmingly and are very pugnacious;” an account of the horseback-warrior Scythians; many tales both tall and short; and much fodder for D&D campaigns or pleasant afternoon reveries. Continue reading “First Graf: The Histories“

Words to Bring Back: “Parvenu”

– Definition: n. a person of obscure origin who has gained wealth, influence, or celebrity.

– Used in a sentence: I like to think the electorate smiles unkindly on parvenus, but evidence indicates otherwise.

– Why: Because, in the early 21st Century, there’s so damned many of them.

Metaphoraging Roundup: 2019

AND SO THE CIRCLE TURNS again, one more orbit of the Earth ’round the Sun; meaning it’s time for the media’s year-end lookbacks — a conceit from which The Metaphorager is not immune. As of this writing (two weeks ago), and according to WordPress’ built-in stats counter, here are our Top Posts of 2019 (with year of composition and page views):

Letter To A Dead Friend (2010) – 62 Views
Googling “letter to a dead friend” brings up many, many, MANY links. Must be a universal impulse. Mine was addressed to my dearly departed chaver, James “Sputnik” Gjerde: mystic, clown, psychic twin.

Endurance Test (2019) – 52 Views
Post-Poway, the roommate was concerned for my safety. This was my answer. Continue reading “Metaphoraging Roundup: 2019”

Confessions of an Earnest High School Dropout

IT ENDED LIKE THIS: “MRS. J—–,” I said evenly, “you should work for the city sewer department instead of teaching English — because you know more about scat than you do about good writing.”

Except I didn’t say “scat.”

And that’s why I didn’t graduate from high school.

Some background is in order: Mrs. J—– co-taught senior AP English at my Walnut Creek high school. She was a bitter, vindictive, tenured old woman who terrorized the other teachers, to say nothing of her students, and she had it in for me from day one. Continue reading “Confessions of an Earnest High School Dropout”

Seasonal Skirmish Solved

AS WE WIND DOWN DECEMBER, the social air is thick with anticipation — and, alas, some rancor.

It seems once again that some are taking issue with some who take issue with being greeted by the adherents of our country’s majority-religion, who in turn are peeved at what they perceive to be a “War on Christmas” — as though it’s somehow un-American to be polite or play well with others. Allow me to once again proffer a solution to this non-problem — an all-purpose response to someone who wishes you a happy holiday-outside-your-affinity-group. Simply say to them, “Same To You.” (After all, it’s not like anyone has a monopoly on Northern Hemisphere winter light-festivals.)

Words to Bring Back: “Fabulous”

– Definition: adj. Of, like, or recorded in fable; fictitious; mythical

– Used in a sentence: The current Administration* is doing a fabulous job.

– Why: In its current usage, “fabulous” is synonymous with “great” or “excellent.” But I think it’s important to return some words to their root meanings. Not only does that enrich our vocabulary; it also expands our thinking. Use it or lose it, folks.

“Let’s Go See!”

TO THE SMALL CATALOGUE OF meaningful three-word human phrases (“I love you,” “let me help,” “take your time,” “hold my beer”) should be added one pertaining to perhaps that oldest of motivations: “Let’s go see!”

Mind you, this drive isn’t limited to spacetime exploration (planets, moons, continents, seas, cells, et al). It can also, with some judiciousness, be applied to the arts: “Let’s go see if we can … write a novel without using the letter ‘e'” “… paint without brushes” “… string together found sounds / texts / images” “… fly.” All of these and more result from a desire and need to experiment, tinker and otherwise satisfy our primate curiosity. Continue reading ““Let’s Go See!””

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